The Today Show

Transcript

April 1, 2003

COURIC: Matt, I notice we're only using F-14s and F-16s in this war.

Isn't it time we pulled out some of the higher numbers? Something in the

mid-twenties, perhaps, maybe even an F-30 or two?

LAUER: Absolutely, Katie. Many of the people I've spoken to here in

Guitar are using 32 or even 64. There's been a lot of rethinking. I'm

using 64 on my nose, but a 16 on my cheek sand the top of my head

because I can't get the sun block through my hair stubble.

COURIC: No, I'm talking about military equipment, Matt. I mean, isn't

everything falling apart . . . a quagmire . . . Vietnam? We just had

retired Air Force Admiral Tubby McFaul, and he said we were totally

unprepared for the Iraqi RPMs and their ack-ack . . .

LAUER: Gesundheit, Katie. Yes, there's a lot of talk here in Quitter

about the M-1/A-1 Bradley Fighting Apache Vehicle . . .

COURIC: You mean we have a vehicle named after a steak sauce?

LAUER: Yes, and it's a big problem because as you know cows are sacred

in Muslim culture. But as I was saying, many people here in Kotter are

upset because the Apache name seems insensitive to Native Americans . .

.

COURIC: Isn't that one of the reasons the Iraqi people hate us, because

we're insensitive To their culture? I mean, I've heard that 80 percent

of Iraqis are Sunni Muslims, which is a form of sun worship, but the

ruling elite are mostly Shiitake.

LAUER: Exactly, Katie, like the mushrooms. But like I was saying, one

of the big Surprises for the U.S. military is the ease with which the

Iraqis have been able to take us out with friendly fire and Triple As.

COURIC: Triple As?

LAUER: Yes, you see, as one military briefer told me in private, they

sneak up disguised as tow trucks, and they're so close we can't use our

cloaking devices.

COURIC:Thank you. That was Matt Lauer in Dooha, Cuttairr.

LAUER: No, it's Doha, Gutter.

COURIC: Doodah?

LAUER: Doah. I mean Doha . . .

COURIC: And we'll be right back with National Geographic's Peter Arnett

and his favorite recipes using low-fat hummus. Stay with us.

APRIL FOOLS!

This is Parody from the Weekly Standard - April 7, 2003