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Here is some more fun stuff that has floated
into our Inbox from the vast humorous unknown.
We try to bring it all together into one place for your giggling
pleasure.
If you have created something you would like us to showcase, send us a copy.
DANCIN DUBYA's New Stuff
Hi. I'm President of the United States.
I love saying that!
Here are some funny things I
thought you might enjoy.
 THE
TWO COWS
Here is an explanation of the rules of
the world in simple two-cow terms:
* Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one
and give one to your neighbor.
 *
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you
with milk.
* Fascism: You have two cows. The government
takes them and sells you the milk.
* Government Bureaucracy: You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the
milk, and then pours it down the drain.
 *
Corporate: You have two cows. You sell one to make the stockholders happy, force
the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops
over dead.
* Democrats: You have two cows. The democrats
tax you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man who
has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
* Capitalism: You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Don't let it ever be said that we here at GOPfun can't have a
good laugh at our own expense.
As longtime Stooge fans, we couldn't resist posting this
fine art work. 
Should be a fun four years!
In case you missed it....
Jessie Jackson has added former Chicago
Democrat congressman Mel Reynolds to the Rainbow/PUSH
Coalition's payroll. Reynolds was among the 176 criminals
pardoned in President Clinton's last-minute forgiveness
spree. Reynolds received a commutation of his six-and-a-half-year
federal sentence for 15 convictions of wire fraud, bank
fraud & lies to the Federal Election Commission. He is more notorious;
however, for concurrently serving five years for engaging
in sexual relations with an underage campaign volunteer.
This is a first in American politics: An
ex-congressman who had sex with a subordinate won clemency
from a president who had sex with a subordinate, then was
hired by a clergyman who had sex with a subordinate.
God Bless America.
Reason magazine unearths a hilarious quote from
a March 1 Hillary Clinton Senate floor speech.
"No one should have to leave
their hometown,
their families and their roots to find a good job in America."
Oh really!???
| Dear
Chinese Ambassador:
The United States of America
apologizes to the People's Republic of China for
allowing our reconnaissance plane to be hit by your poorly trained,
hot-dogging fighter pilot, while
flying in international airspace.
 | We're sorry we have to fly
surveillance missions to monitor a country that has
nuclear missiles pointed at us. |
| We're sorry your pilot
didn't follow international standards of fighter intercept
protocol. |
| We're sorry his aircraft
recognition skills were so poor he didn't realize the
EP-3 aircraft was propeller driven and flew his aircraft through its
propeller arc, destroying his
aircraft and nearly killing 24 American crewmen. |
| We're sorry your fighter
pilot's survival training and equipment was so inadequate
that he couldn't survive until your poorly trained and equipped
navy could find him (they
turned down our offer for search and rescue assistance). |
| We're sorry you violated
international law and arrested the crewmen of an aircraft
that legally diverted into your airfield under emergency conditions
caused by your pilot's actions. |
| We're sorry you violated
international law and boarded a state aircraft. |
| We're sorry the world is now
seeing you for the enemy of freedom, truth, and
democracy that you really are. |
| We're sorry you see yourself
as a superpower when in reality you are a third
world nation (the average Chinese worker earns less than 10 cents a
day). |
| We're sorry you are loosing
so much face over this. |
| We're sorry that you were
able to steal missile and nuclear secrets from us. |
| We're sorry you haven't
learned from the Soviet Union's collapse and failed
to embrace democracy and capitalism (compare tiny Taiwan and mainland
China; same people, same culture, but Taiwan's capitalistic economy
is a powerhouse and China's economy is still mired in communism). |
| We're sorry for the future
Chinese military deaths that will occur when we retaliate
for your roughish behavior. And
most of all, we're sorry for the Chinese people who suffer its
leaders' incompetence. |
Sincerely,
The Citizens of The United
States of America
P.S. If a speed boat goes out
to inspect a cruise ship and they collide, who
do you think is at fault?
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Hugh Rodham, goes into the street corner pardon business.
New Official Presidential Limo
Texas Style
Bush administration finds a cushy government job for
Al Gore's
daughter with the Environmental Protection Agency.
Multi-million dollar secret Clinton military program canceled
quietly by incoming President Bush
Good Baby
Moving advertisement spotted in the Washington Compost.
Hillary adamantly denies knowledge of brothers or husbands
pardon misdeeds.
The Bush Administration has wasted no time making much needed
improvements to our neglected Stealth Fighter program. These funds are already
reaping rewards for our countries defense programs. 
Can you help locate the father of this little
girl? Please see if you recognize any distinguishing features that might lead to
reuniting her with her father.
Thanks
My dearest congregation:
During an NAACP celebration
for a victory over discrimination -
where I felt righteous indignation -
for my brothers in this troubled nation.
In the heat of my elation
(after several strong libations)
due to my intoxication
I started to feel a sensation
with my unit in full salutation
and in need of some fraternization
so I partook in some fornication
which resulted in the impregnation
of a member of my delegation
(shoulda used spermicidal lubrication
or indulged in self-masturbation).
I didn't consider the ramification
and accidentally added to the population.
Adding to the speculation
that I should tender my resignation
(not to mention my wife's
and subsequent threat of castration).
When suddenly I had a revelation
as her pregnancy reached maturation
that with the NAACP's coordination
and some financial compensation
I could keep this situation
deeply secreted in isolation
and avoid a legal investigation.
There you have my explanation
of this unfortunate situation.
The Clintons on the Move
Honey, what's that bulge in
your coat?
Air Force One Gets a Texas
Makeover
Smart Dog
Algore patiently assesses his influence on the Florida Supreme
Court.
After 13 years of recounts ... Al Gore finally gets his way...
"Definitely a VOTE for GORE...I'm Sure of
it!
Our apologies to Gary Larson but this one just
wrote itself!
Aren't you glad you don't live in Florida
right now?
...here is a great take off on those new trendy
motivational posters.
The official Democratic Party Seal has been modified.
Rumor has it that this is actually a picture of Al Gore as an infant when his
mother was singing the Union songs to him.
Here is another FUNNY that has made the rounds and
will soon become a
classic.
And this one will make you think.....
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NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for
the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any
of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation
guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing
it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven
words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
"you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
the good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would
not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only
one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not
a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world
outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays
"American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it,
and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult
game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby
sevens side by 2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for you know
what.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
Thank you for your cooperation. HRH QE2
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And this one is really scary...but true.
President Strom Thurmond?
Be
careful of what you wish for Democrats!!
And you knew this one was coming....
Lottery Winning
Numbers
Florida Lottery Commission
State Capitol Building
Tallahassee, FL
Dear Sirs:
On Friday, November 3, 2000, I picked the numbers 7-38-18-41-3-30.
Saturday night when the numbers were announced I found that the numbers
I picked were selected, however when I checked my lottery ticket I found
that I must have marked the wrong numbers by mistake because my lottery
ticket indicated the wrong numbers. The card that I marked to be read by
the computer is hard to read and it is easy to mark the wrong column.
I know that you will honor my request that I will be considered
the winner
because I selected the right number and just made a small mistake.
If you won't pay me for intending to mark the winning numbers, I want to
have you to declare a recount of the Nov 4th Lottery and allow me to
select
the numbers that came up on the 4th.
Respectfully,
Shirley Lotz
West Palm Beach, Florida
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"Fuzzy
Money"
Have you seen what this guy is dancing about?
Al Gore's Hokey Pokey
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