Click here to have an extremely hilarious non-partisan version of the Grinch read to you.

How the Gorinch Stole the Election

Every Who down in Who-ville thought laws meant a lot...

But the Gorinch who wished to rule Who-ville did NOT!

The Gorinch was a liar, he lied without reason!

He made up wild stories the whole voting season.

It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.

It could be he simply just wasn't too bright.

But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that he just had no ethics at all.

But whatever the reason, 

His ethics or brains,

He stood there on voting day, dreaming of gains.

While the voters were choosing with each little push

of a button, they gave the election to Bush.

For he knew every Who down in Who-ville below,

would give his career a right jolly heave-ho.

"They're punching their ballots" he sneered with a sneer.

"And tomorrow its final, it's practically here!"

Then he growled with his Gorinch fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find a way to stop justice from coming!"

For tomorrow he knew,

All the women and men,

Would wake bright and early and turn on CNN.

And then! Oh the noise! The Republican cheers!

We're Democrat-free, if just for four years.

Then the Whos young and old, would sit down to a feast,

And toast a Republican toast at the least.

They would toast to the truth and to lower taxation,

Two subjects that gave the Gorinch great vexation.

Then he got an idea!

An illegal idea.

The Gorinch got a slimy illegal idea!

"I know just what to do" The Gorinch looked at the clock.

And he beckoned his lawyers from under their rocks.

He plotted and thought, then he thought and he plotted,

They connived and conspired with brains most besotted.

All I need's an excuse...

The Gorinch looked around.

But excuses were scarce, there were none to be found.

The law was quite clear, but the Gorinch simply said.

"If I can't find a reason I'll invent one instead!"

So he called CNN as the others would follow,

He gave them a script which was all rather hollow.

"Dispense with the truth, tell a lie and repeat it"

"If they hear it enough then those suckers will eat it"

Tell make-believe stories to all you can reach,

and tell of the morons who live in Palm Beach.

We won't call them 'stupid' or names that will linger,

Even though they could be on the next Jerry Springer.

Then he loaded some bags like a loser demented,

With thousands of ballots though no law consented.

And proceeded to handle them, changes were simple,

Making up rules about doubles and dimples.

Just dislodge a few chads and the numbers start changing,

Invent a new rule if they need re-arranging.

So the Gorinch grabbed the ballots and started to cheat,

When he heard a small noise sounding quite like defeat.

He turned around fast, it was Katherine Harris,

Who held up the law... and the Gorinch was embarrassed!

The Gorinch had been caught by this Florida daughter,

Who dumped on his plans a great bucket of water.

She stared at the Gorinch and said "Back off, buster"

"I've read the law and this doesn't pass muster"

And the Gorinch had no answer, he knew it was true.

Without lies his political life would be through.

But the Gorinch was so slimy and ever so slick,

He thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.

"I'm not making changes" the old master lied

"There's a chad on this ballot that's dislodged on one side"

"So I'm taking it home for my cronies to mount it"

"Then we'll bring it back here so we can re-count it"

And his fib made the news, which proceeded to sell it

Like snake-oil salesmen they continued to yell it.

Piling the lies just as high as a steeple,

and telling the world "Its the will of the people"

He stole enough votes to defraud the election,

Depriving the Whos of their right to selection.

Establishing precedent of the most dire sort,

Now every election will be handled in court.

This isn't a story that ends with a line

that the Gorinch will suddenly sprout enough spine

to concede that he lost and just step aside

He'll cheat and he'll lie till his last hope has died.

Only Whos can stand up for the Who-Constitution,

And bring this election to swift resolution.

By writing and calling, by shouting and faxing,

By holding to law in a grip unrelaxing.

For whatever your politics, all should be joined

in belief that the White House cannot be purloined.